Hollywood is on a remake frenzy! I guess the creative juices in HWood is running dry. Here are the 38 remakes on the horizon:
Simon Brew
We’ve already pointed out recently
30 sequels that were in the works in the factories of Hollywood – but how about remakes? Cast your eyes over this little lot, and prepare to be depressed…
The Shadow Presumably this a reboot of the hilarious-but-iffy Alec Baldwin non-franchise of the mid-90s. Sam Raimi is producing, and the project is at the screenplay stage right now. Expect a release no sooner than 2010.
Battle Royale The brilliant, brilliant, brilliant Asian movie is getting a Western remake. Producer Neal H Moritz is currently attached to the project, which has been optioned but not yet got much further. It didn’t help that New Line was linked with funding the film, and the same New Line got swallowed up by Warner Bros totally the other week.
Starfighter A planned remake of the 1984 movie The Last Starfighter, which remains popular today. Nick Castle is currently attached to direct the project (he did the original as well, although his biggest hit as director is the 1993 kids’ movie Dennis). We fear this one may get lost in development hell. Hope not.
The Evil Dead Sam Raimi is attached to the remake of one of his most loved films, with both he and Bruce Campbell on producing duties. Set for release at some point next year, they’ll have to get their skates on, as there’s no sign of cameras being turned on just yet.
Knight Rider Forget the recent TV rebooting, the Weinstein Company has the option to produce a feature film, and the original creator of Knight Rider – Glen A Larson – is hard at work on the screenplay. Expect a release around 2010/11. If the new TV version doesn’t kill the franchise stone dead, of course…
Conan The Barbarian The script is still being written for the remake of one of Arnie’s best-ever roles. It’s a fair bet that Arnie won’t be returning, but Sahara scribes Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer are beavering away on the screenplay. Production may yet start this year, apparently.
Logan’s Run Uber-producer Joel Silver is pushing this long-mooted remake, which has director Joseph Kosinski attached (whose name is also being linked with the new Tron film). Logan’s Run is believed to be first in line, though, and a 2010 release is being mooted.
Death Wish Sylvester Stallone is set to step into the role made famous by Charles Bronson in a remake of Michael Winner’s violent original. Stallone is set to write, produce and star, and production is planned to start at some point this year.
The Taking Of Pelham 123 Tony Scott is directing, and Denzel Washington and John Travolta are starring in a remake of the brilliant 1974 Walter Matthau original. David Koepp has written the screenplay, and the film will be released in the Autumn of 2009.
Fahrenheit 451 Frank Darabont – he of Shawshank Redemption and The Mist fame – has been linked with a fresh take on the Ray Bradbury book for a while. It seems he’s getting closer to honing a script too for him to direct, but it’s still not ready, so no idea of release date. Tom Hanks had been mooted to star.
Friday The 13th Marcus Nispel – director of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake – has inked his name on the dotted to helm the remake of the original Friday The 13th movie. It’s a great solution: run out of sequels, start at the beginning! It’s in pre-production now for a 2009 release.
Last House On The Left A remake of the brutal 70s Wes Craven movie, this time it’s relative-newcomer Dennis Illiadis in the director’s chair. The cast is rumoured to feature Liv Tyler, along with Monica Potter, Garret Dillahunt and Tony Goldwyn. It’s due to start filming next month,
Hellraiser They’ve given up making sequels, so now they’re remaking the 80s original. No sign of Doug Bradley as Pinhead, but Clive Barker has been involved with the script, and Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury will be making their English language directorial debuts with the project.
Tron Will it be a sequel? Will it be a remake? Will they call it a ‘reimagining’? All these questions and more are set to be answered, as three decades on, Tron will be heading back to the big screen in 2010.
Clash of the Titans The 1981 film is being remade, and Stephen Norrington has – after not being seen behind a camera since League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen – agreed to direct. He did the original Blade, too. Lawrence Kasdan has been penning the script, and the film is in pre-production for a 2010 release.
Akira A live action version of the iconic anime film of the same name, the adaptation is believe to be being handled in two parts, and Leonardo DiCaprio has been linked with the project. It’s still at the scripting stage, although director Ruairi Robinson is attached to helm.
The Birds How depressing. Hitchcock’s awesome thriller is getting the remake treatment, with Martin ‘Casino Royale’ Campbell rumoured to be directing, and Naomi Watts linked with the project too. It has a release date of July 2009.
Frankenweenie Tim Burton’s terrific early short film is being brought to the big screen by… Tim Burton! There’s logic there, somewhere. December 2009 is the targeted release time.
A Nightmare On Elm Street Hurray! That ‘reimagining’ word is being used to describe the now-in-the-pre-production stages new Elm Street movie. Michael Bay produces, but doesn’t direct. Thank goodness.
Westworld The terrific forerunner to Jurassic Park – also penned by Michael Crichton – Westworld has long been mooted for a remake. Billy Ray, who directed Breach and Shattered Glass, is the latest writer to take a stab at the theme-park-attraction-goes-out-of-control concept.
The Warriors Director Tony Scott – once he’s finished on The Taking Of Pelham 123 - remains attached to the proposed remake of Walter Hill’s 1979 classic tale of rival gangs on a mission that takes them across a dangerous city. It’s still in the writing stages, and may be held up in development hell for some time yet.
Piranha Alexandra Aja, who enjoyed success with his remake of The Hills Have Eyes, is directing a potentially 3D version of Joe Dante’s terrific original. A 2009 release date has been eyed up.
Escape From New York Another John Carpenter classic is getting remade, and Terminator 3 director Jonathan Mostow – with Ken Nolan - is taking a stab at the script. No word if he’s going to direct, but a 2009 release is mooted.
Meatballs Another 80s comedy getting a remake, Meatballs has – oh dear – Big Momma’s House 2 (not even the original!) director John Whitesell attached to it. And no sign of Bill Murray, either. Never a good thing.
Howard Stern’s Porkys A remake of Bob Clark’s bawdy early 80s comedy, this is still in the planning stages with US shock-jock lending his name to the project and the title. It’s planned to have it ready for 2009. Expect an array of shitty sequels if it hits.
The Lives Of Others The stunning German film is getting an American remake, with Anthony Minghella attached to produce, but not direct. It’s only been optioned so far, so 2010 would be the earliest you see it. Our advice? See the original. It’s genuinely stunning.
Short Circuit Number Five is, er, still alive, with original screenwriters coming back for the reboot of the 80s original. No news of a finished script, director or shooting date, though.
Straw Dogs Rod Lurie – the man who directed The Contender – is scripting and directing the remake of the Dustin Hoffman-starring original. It’s only been optioned thus far, and so the planned 2009 release date may be optimistic.
1984 Tim Robbins is apparently hunting for the money for a new big screen adaptation of George Orwell’s classic and never-more-relevant novel. He’s not having much luck though, we’re led to believe.
Red Sonja Roy Thomas (Conan The Destroyer) has been drafted in to write a screenplay for a new Red Sonja film, although don’t expect Arnie to be in it. Nor should you expect it soon.
The Dirty Dozen Alias veteran Josh Applebaum has the unenviable task of coming up with a suitable script for the remake of the original classic. 2010 is the earliest it’ll be released.
Footloose Surely not? The 80s musical could be coming back to life if director Kenny Ortega has anything to do with it. That said, given he directed High School Musical and its spin-offs, he’d probably be allowed to do anything he wanted in Hollywood right now. Sigh. Footloose has thus far been optioned, and may go before the camera this year.
Dune Frank Herbert’s source material is set to be mined again, for a new movie due out in 2010. Peter Berg, who directed the brilliant Friday Night Lights movie, is waving the megaphone, but further details are still sketchy.
The Thing A remake of the 1982 classic, that’s got Battlestar Galactica producer Ronald D Moore attached to it. That said, it’s being described as a companion rather than a remake. Hmmmm. No word on it going before the cameras yet.
Near Dark Kathryn Bigelow’s 1987 vampire flick enters the remake chamber, with music video director Samuel Bayer making his debut in the directors’ chair on the film. Cast has yet to be announced, but it appears that Bigelow has had a hand in the screenplay.
The Swarm This is more like it! Lots of bees! Frank Schaetzing’s book is plundered again for the big screen, with Silence Of The Lambs adapter Ted Tally on scripting duties. No director or cast yet, though.
Fame Alan Parker’s 1980 musical is being remade by MGM, who originally had a Christmas 2008 release date inked in. Andy Finkman – who directed The Game Plan and She’s The Man – is down to direct, though, and the project will no doubt move forward shortly.
The Witches Roald Dahl’s book has already been filmed with Anjelica Huston in the leading role, but Guillermo Del Toro is toying with the idea of having a stab himself. No start date has been announced for the project, though.
Yes, Yvette turned 40 and looked damn hot in her dress! We hit the strip to go clubbing to ring in the big 4-0. Ya'll know Yvette was co-starring in the Gladiator Sequel.
Yvette's bday dinner! We is lookin fizzine as hell!
Stephanie and I being Trashalicious at a Casino. I tried to lift her but it was too much booty in her pants for me to lift.
This is Yvette's night out. We went to an outside bar called Hawallian Tropic Zone. It was off the chiizanne we danced to all our favorites. The shots started pretty early.
Stephanie went out for Yvette's bday but in this picture she is secretly saying. This is about me! This is my night!
Trying to get my pose on! Poparodc was hounded!
See, I told ya'll. She was literally saying here, "it's about me! Yvette who?" she was also doing what she does best, going down!
Why does Yvette look scared here? Stephanie trying to get a man and Javie looks awfully close to the gladiator.
This is Poparodc laughing at the "Hot Tranny Mess" behind me. Her ass knew that leopard print should not have been worn by her and that size 12 shoulda been a 16. I''m just saying!
Big Momma backing her thang up! Big girls! Why must you think that print is yo friend????? It ain't!
Broke ass version of Elvis trying to get his play on with these trashlettes.
Joe fell asleep, Yvette woke his ass up.
Poparodc posing again. Don't worry ya'll, Yvette's tits were not falling she was just cold.
So there was a chic dancing like crazy and then I danced with her skanky ass! I loved her! She was so trashy, I felt an instant connection with her so we started Juking!
Yes, the Former Fly Girls posing for a pic!
Stephanie saw a pole and felt right at home. She was going to interperet an episode of G-String Divas.
I also had to do my version of G-String Divas! By this time we was getting pretty trashed :)
Stephanie saw this bouncer as soon as she walked in and she was lovin some him. She took a picture with him and it looked like he liked him some Stephy!
Javie and I was trying to get close with some tongue action.
These horny fools could not take it to their room and started to make out all up in the club. She holding her coochie like its protected or something.
1st fashion mishap is the long dress. The 2nd is that it was wet pleather! Seriously! Take that shit back cuz aint no one like yo shit.
More juking, we had a good ol time!
Ok, I saw this bubble dress everywhere.
Again, big girls rockin the print!
Stephanie and I trying to rock our red carpet pose. It aint workin!
ME! ME! ME!
Cholo Love!
What happends in Vegas stays in Vegas. Especially your one night stands, nuf said. I aint mad cuz he is cute!
Stephanie at cock level!
Aww Group love!
Stephanie, please tell you dropped this like a hot tamale! This aint for you.
I hope she has panties on cuz then we may bring something back from Vegas.
Thats a wide load you got there! Hope you can handle it!
Yvette, thats hot! Take that home now!
