Stars come out at Teen Choice Awards 2007

Zac Efron looking very suave with his vest and hairdo. I don't know about you guys, but I love me some ZAC! ZAC can I touch yo sack??? He's legal! So stop making faces as you read this thinking I am some pedifile!

Jessica Alba hates being latina, we know this. But she is looking like a hot mess. She must be drinking only water and exlax. Next to her is Dane Cook, who you ask? Thanks!

Eve, dropping a new album soon coulda thrown something on for the show. She rolled out of bed in those silk pajamas, threw some heels on, and did even fix her sex hair. Not a good look. Eve, please let the blonde go! It ain't workin!

Ms Duff, I sho would eat yo Muff looking this good. Homegirl looks HAWT! I ain't mad at her and yo know she is showing her muff all over town lookin like this! Go on girl! (Lindsay, I still love you!)
Ugly betty, America Ferra, not so ugly but definitely not so pretty either. The dress is wrong she is too young for it and that hair. Girl couldn't you do something other than a chongo?

Daaaaaaaaaaaaayum! I want that muthafuckin Prince!

Now, ya'll know I've had a thing for guys named Harry. You know, with Harry Hotter and all. But damn someone sho did kiss the hell out of this frog cuz he sho did turn into a hot muthafuckin prince. Harry makes me say William who????? William is soooo 5yrs ago, plus he is too goody goody. Harry looks like he will bang the shit out of you. Go on boy make my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMM UM!
Sorry ya'll this sho took care of that morning hard on!

Oh yeah, he tried to off himself!

Dang,

Please tell me ya'll, how can you be filfthy rich and try to commit suicide? I mean seriously, if something is missing BUY IT! You gots the dough! I wish I had his issue I sho would traveling the world and attending all the parties not at some hospital. Come to think of it, I think he and Kate Hudson just broke up. Her shit must be good he be missing that PUN!

His statement has, I tried to kill myself written all over it. Good Luck Owen fix yo shit and make another movie.

***************************************************************************

“I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time,” the actor said in a statement released through his publicist on Monday.
No comment on the reported suicide/overdose that lead to his emergency hospitalization in Los Angeles over the weekend.

Owen in the hospital!

Ya'll must have heard that Owen Wilson has been taken to the hospital and rumors are flying about a suicide attempt. An official statement to be released later today. I hope he turns this tradedy into something good, like fixing his nose while he's in the hospital.

Yep, She loves taking off dem clothes!

America's Favorite Skank Singer is back and she is shedding all of it! MIMI has done it again this time she is stripped for Interview Magazine and she's posing like she is about to hit it from the back. Does anyone else think she belongs in the new season of CHARM SCHOOL? Can you see Monique telling her "MIMI there is no need to be SLUTACIOUS, Come on sista check yo self before thou wreck thyself"!

Latina Women Are HOT!!!!!!!!!!!

They say Latina womenare hot so I had to post what represents our latina women: I bet she is like 12 with 2 kids and still trying to get Pepito to marry her!

Oooooooooh Weeeeeeeeee! She must have had an art class in jail. She did her make up perfect! I say make an American Girl Doll just like her and call her Big Suzy from Fullerton and Tripp. Make sure the doll comes with its own blade too!

I beleive this girl starred in MI VIDA LOCA, homegirl had the nerve to take a pic of herself in the mirror and blow a kiss. She should be faceing the toilet throwing up that triple whopper she ate before she took the pic.

Who said Latina Women Aren't Hot? They is fiiiiizzzzzzzzziiiiiinnne!

Duh Moment! (100,000 miles)

Ok, just to catch you up a Duh Moment is a true story that is ridiculously dumb but definitely true.

**********************************************************************************

This is my hoopty that I still have, I bought her practically new. After the 4th year the eclipse was having a little issue. She like studdard when I pressed the gas pedal. She seemed like she wanted to go but she started to shake. So I did what I always did when I heard a noise in the car, I turned up the radio. So after 2 months of this the car finally died on the road. Daaayuum, you know I was piisssed off as hell. Had it towed to the dealer and they said they would check it out. I sat in the waiting area and started to watch All My Children. Erica and Dimitri had some issues with Kendal at the time. Then the mechanic walked in and said " Mr Carrillo, when did you last have a tune up?" I was like um I'm sorry but no, I have not had one the commercial said no tune up needed under 100,000 miles and I am at 94,000 so I had 6 more to go. The guy laughed and said no wonder the spark plugs are from the factory. He was like you need a tune up at least once a year at this rate. I was like dang, false advertising!

That was a DUH MOMENT! DUH my ass shoulda been on top of my shit!

BSD (Mother Nature)

So the Bitch Slap of the Day is you buying a new car, showing the bitch off crusing down Fullerton, then Mother Nature decideds to fuck yo shit up by highwinds. Momma Nature sure was pissed in the Chicago area and knocked over this tree on this brand new Camery! I woulda been saaaaalty! Dang hope they had State Farm to cover this hot mess.

The worst part is that this happend in front of my house so you know I gots to do what I hads to do and that is, be a nosy ass neighbor run in and get my camera.

So WHACK! BITCH SLAP MOMMA NATURRR! FO FUCKIN SHIT UP! NOT TO MENTION YESTERDAY'S TRAFFIC WAS A STEAMY MESS!

MIMI is OOOOOH WEEEEE!

Sorry guys just about threw up with this airbrushed as picture. Is it me or should this be the adventures of CHI CHI! She got issues and she is not only releasing one but two albums late this year. God Help Music!

Go On Girl!

Home Girl has decided to accept responsibility for her actions! No, that's what I'm talking about. Now do an Oprah interview, drop an album, and we now have a good comeback story and we love a comeback story. I mean, If crazy ass Mariah did it, why can't LILO do it? Here is her official statement.
***********************************************************************************
"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

The Two Queens of Pop!

Looks like the Queens of Pop are performing together on the MTV VMA's Go Madonna!

Click this Classic!

This is a classic!

New Rihanna!

This is gonna be a big club hit! Rih Rih is knocking em out! This is the shit! Beyonce who???? Check out the video!

NEW HALLOWEEN 2007 TRAILER

10 Days and Counting Check out the Trailer click the box above!

New Horror Movie "Hatchet"

Click on the box to watch the trailer. This shit looks good as hell.

Ladies!

Ladies,

Please wear yo shit the right way! Cuz this be the wrong way!

Walking Through Market Days

I went to the annual Market Days on Halsted. You know it's a little festival in the gay community that sell arts, crafts, music, and best of all Drinks. You think the GAYS would sell some really nice things and some of chicago's A Gay crowd would show but that definitely was not the case let me take you upon my walk through Market Days. As I am looking through all the arts and crafts I see this.

I am all about a man bag but a JESUS MAN BAG? I mean I think it's a sin to even make this bag. Although my abuelita (grandma) in Mexico would totally love this bag. But I can's see my gay peeps pimpin this out.

Walking through the crowd my song was on, I look over and a boom box is playing my jam. Oh Hells Naw! I think I owned all three models in 87. I even walked with the big one on my shoulder until I fell back cuz it was heavy and I busted my shit open!

Now here is where the style comes in. I gots to say first the hair, you know home boy came from a farm in Indiana. Then the body, his gym membership was cancelled in 93 then the yellow undies. With that saggie ass he sho did have big balls to wear this out in public, he was wrong for that and you know he had no friends. He was walking solo.
This hot Afro mess had friends he was walking with his boys but they is not his boys. You know they hate his ass for letting him walk out like this. He coulda at least worn cute undies and that fro has gotts to go!

You thought you saw it all. Don't this dog look like he sreaming for help. He look scrrrd as hell, that pound puppy looks like he rather be at the cruelty society that on that pasty ass flabby body.

You know home girl took showing a little booty to a whole new level. She tied her shorts so tight that the cottage cheese was oozing out of those slits.

Chiquita Bannana here was stuttin his stuff but I sho would thrown a blouse on to cover her top!
I had to take a pic of Marlyn Monroe on an eating binge. She was at the food stand gettin her munch on! How you gonna dress like Marlyn weighing 250lbs. WHOOPS

Now this was a breath of fresh air. There was a flamanco show and this girl danced her ass off. Wasn't feelin those pokadots but hey she did her thang!

Then I had to take a piss and waited for the porta potty . Then, holly sunkist orange! I did not know what this was but she sho did had a fierce walk.

There must have been some padding on that booty!

Then sights then got better. I wanted to get sprayed with his hose! This was Market Days a Hot Diggity Dog Mess! But ya'll know I would not mess this event. Plus Taylor Dayne performed all her hits. She still looked good.

Paula might be Dating PEEPS!

I'm just saying ya'll that I heard sista girl speak and he sounds like peeps to me. I am getting a vibe and I hope Paula is careful. He is 32 and she is 45, read his current interview with OK magazine. I read it and saw a rainbow. She best be worried if he starts to call one of her dogs TOTO!
****************************************************************************
OK! EXCLUSIVE: JT TORREGIANI GUSHES ABOUT GIRLFRIEND PAULA ABDULPaula Abdul has remained coy about her relationship with restaurateur JT Torregiani, but such is not the case with him. JT, 32, spoke exclusively to OK! about his girlfriend of three months and what makes the 45-year-old American Idol judge different from every woman he’s ever met.
OK!: How serious is your relationship with Paula?
JT: We have been dating for about three months now and I am giving her a 100 percent. It’s serious.
OK!: What have you learned about Paula that's surprised you?
JT: She is as sincere as she seems. So often in Hollywood that is not the case. Paula really cares about her fans and all the contestants on the show – they are like her kids.
OK!: What's the most romantic thing she’s done for you lately?
JT: We recently spent some time in London together and when I was leaving (she was staying there for work), she insisted she come to the airport with me to drop me off. I resisted because I knew she was so busy working, but she surprised me at the Virgin Lounge at Heathrow with a private, romantic lunch and massages. I was so surprised – it was really sweet.
OK!: Is she as eccentric as she sometimes seems?
JT: Yes! She is hysterical. We laugh all the time.
OK!: She's said she's a dating “horror movie.” Do you think she was being too hard on herself?
JT: She gets so caught up with her work schedule, and I think people often do not understand that. She works 18-20 hours a day and doesn’t get much sleep. She was being hard on herself to say that – she is a perfectionist and gives everything her all.
OK!: How is Paula different than other women you've dated?
JT: She is more nurturing than most women I know, let alone women I have dated. She has such a big heart – and even with her crazy work schedule, she always makes time for me.
OK!: Were you a Paula Abdul fan when she was a recording artist?
JT: I have always been a big fan – how can you not be?! I am a bigger fan of her new stuff - her new song, “Karma,” is amazing.
Interview by Jennifer Birn

All I can say is "Soooome where ova the rainbow, you'll peeeeeps!"

Oh, It's on! Paula needs to stomp on that bitch!

I took the following article from Extra and I think Paula is such a lady. Paula needs to get ghetto and stomp on that fat bitch. Ya'll don't get me wrong I like me some Rosie but Paula was her girl and she was even at Paula's 2nd wedding. I'm just mad she dissed her girl to the media like dat. Rosie needs to stuff a a fuckin twinky down her throat and shut the fuck up!

As for Paula, girl toughen up and seriously stop acting so fucking loopy I can't keep defending you to the media. I mean you are "Forever My Girl" and all but all your actions are making people "Cold Hearted" against you. No worries ma I still "Blow You Kisses In the Wind" and "Rush Rush" to your defense. "Straight Up" "My Love is For Real" with you and I'll always be "Crazy Cool" with my Paula. HEYBABABA!
***************************************************************************
Paula Abdul is blasting Rosie O’Donnell for insinuating that she has a substance abuse problem, and this time, Paula says Rosie has gone too far.
In Rosie’s recent internet blog, she discusses with a fan the idea that Paula is suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. In previous musings, Rosie has also called Paula “desperate, raw, vulnerable” and “so needy for love.”
Paula says she has had enough, and her rep, Jeff Ballard, has just released the following statement to “Extra”:
“This is absolutely ridiculous and untrue that Paula has Parkinson’s. Rosie's been the object of rumors herself and I would think she would be more responsible about starting them herself.
Paula considers Rosie a friend. She's been to Paula’s house. They've had dinner, and personally I think Rosie should mind her own business."
Rosie's people responded, telling "Extra," "She's not feuding with Paula. She's just stating her thoughts on her blog."

The LTOWN Review!

What is the LTOWN you ask? Well it is short for Lansing Michigan, that is where my family is from. I like to call it the Urban Beverly Hills, if you will. I attended quite the fancy party in Lansing and thought let me take pics and share this event on my blog. Please note the attire above it's quite FANGSTA (Football Gansta). Please note the bling, and it's real, actually Aunt Grace got it at Macy's. They had 12hour sale, she was there the entire time.
What is a great outfit without the right pair of shoes? I mean you can see this guy a mile away with those colors. Rocky felt that a statement needed to be made or actually he scored an endorsement deal with TANG(ya'll remember TANG? The broke ass version of Kool AID) Speaking of shoes....
Um, the pink sandals are cute and all, but blue nail polish? Um, not feeling that at all looks like a live version of the Bratz Doll.
Now you know you at a fancy party when the CHITLINS are the bartenders.
Last but not least, I appreciated the fact how the party had signs to inform you of the rules of the pool. Please note the "No Peeing in the Pool". What in the hot hell? I was mad that I could not pee in the pool so I took a major shit in the pool and walked out.

Ahh, the LTOWN, stay tuned for these are the days of the LTOWN.

BSD (Bitch Slap of the Day)

Today's BSD is when a friend tells you that they got tickets to see your favorite concert and they aren't taking you!

Now, ya'll know I love my girl Nancy and she certainly has many,many,many, moments where she speaks and says "Whoops I didn't it mean it to sound like that." We all have that friend who speaks their thoughts out loud.

Well her bogus ass told me she got tickets to the American Idol Tour, so naturally I am waiting to hear the next sentence. You know, the one where she says you wanna go with me? But no she's taking her man! Could ya'll believe that??? She didn't take me? I am only AI's biggest fan since the beginning of the show. I mean she only watched 3 weeks and called it a day and her man only liked the show because of Melinda Dolittle. You would think she would be like, i'm sorry, no ya'll she flipped me off!

Well Whack! Bitch Slap Her ASS!

For not taking me to the show and taking her man instead. My message to her? I hope your man buys you an engagement ring from KMART so I can flip you off too! Karma's an ugly bitch and so is your ring from the Jacklyn Smith Collection!

Now this is a friendship email!

Friendship... None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against The sorry bastard who made you sad.
2 When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3 When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well Again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth

Check yo self before you wreck yo self!

I have had several emails regarding my bashing the flop that was El Cantante. I was being "schooled" because I failed to mention that it was shown only in 542 theaters VS Bourne Ultimatum at 3660.

What ya'll fail to realize is that the theaters order the movies based on the demand they think there will be for that movie. It ain't my fault that only 542 theaters decided to order this movie in its wide release. What that says to me is that more people wanted to see a movie about those slutacious dolls "the bratz" than some biopic of someone we don't know. Then you get BOOTY and BONES to star in it, you have officially sealed it as a flop. Also out of those 542 theaters, 540 were in New York alone cuz that's where Skeletor is from. The bronx had a special screening at the community college in a course dedicated to JLO "From Tramp to Vamp 101".

So my apologies for not disclosing the number of theaters but I felt that was irrelevant to disclose since that would be even more embarrassing for JLO and her accessory that is Mark Anthony. I tried to spare them but CLARE thought she could check me so there you have the info.

BOOOYAA!

Linday on Suicide Watch!

Wendy Williams just reported that Lindsay Lohan is on Suicide Watch. Dang, poor girl, hope she doesn't do it. She should at least finish recording her next album then do it, you know post death sales are always number 1. Just kidding, hope she finds herself and has the help she needs. GBLESS!

El Cantante could not sing it's way to the top ten!

El Cantante debuted at number 12 for the weekend box office. SHOCKA! I at least gave it a top ten debut but the notes fell flat for Skelewhore's first movie. Why do you think the movie bombed? Was it Skeletor? Was it JHO? Maybe it was the soundtrack that featuring them singing together once again.

Hottie McHottie Matt Damon took the number 1 spot with Bourne Ultimatum. Yum Yum Yum! Nuff said, here is the weekend box office numbers for this past weekend.

1. The Bourne Ultimatum
Universal Pictures
$70,181,000
$70,181,000

2.The Simpsons Movie
20th Century Fox
$25,600,000
$128,550,000

3.Underdog
Buena Vista Pictures Distribution
$12,009,000
$12,009,000

4.I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Universal Pictures Distribution, Universal Pictures International
$10,528,000
$91,697,000

5.Hairspray
New Line Cinema
$9,325,000
$78,954,000

6.Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Warner Bros. Pictures International, Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution
$9,285,000
$260,790,000

7.No Reservations
Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution
$6,570,000
$24,157,000

8.Transformers
Paramount Pictures, di Bonaventura Pictures, Inc., Paramount Pictures International
$5,950,000
$296,308,000

9.Hot Rod
Paramount Pictures
$5,015,000
$5,015,000

10.Bratz
Lionsgate
$4,310,000
$4,310,000

11.Ratatouille
Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures International
$4,024,000
$188,282,000

12.El Cantante
Picturehouse
$3,254,000
$3,254,000

Lane Garrison Gets 90 days!

Actor Lane Garrison has been sentenced to 90 days in state prison for causing an accident while under the influence, which resulted in the death of a 17yr old boy.

Lane made a Public Service Announcement earlier this week about drunk driving. Check out the chilling PSA below, double click.

http://www.tmz.com/2007/07/30/lane-garrison-relives-deadly-drunk-driving-crash/

We Are In Music Crisis

Can you believe this?
#1 This Week
Sean Kingston
Beautiful Girls ;

I bout threw up when I read this. Beautiful Girls is the most annoying song out there and it's sung by a wannabe AKON who went on an eating binge!

Here are the top 10 songs of the week.
Issue Date: 2007-08-11
Top 1-10
1 Sean Kingston Beautiful Girls
2 Plain White T's Hey There Delilah
3 Fergie Big Girls Don't Cry
4 Rihanna Featuring Jay-Z Umbrella
5 Timbaland Featuring Keri Hilson The Way I Are
6 T-Pain Featuring Akon Bartender
7 Shop Boyz Party Like A Rockstar
8 T-Pain Featuring Yung Joc Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin')
9 Fabolous Featuring Ne-Yo Make Me Better
10 Hurricane Chris A Bay Bay

Best Be Scared of Scary!

ooooh weee!

Get em Scary! Apparently Melanie Brown is taking Eddie Murphy to court for Child Support. Spice Girl is mad as hell since he denied being the father of her baby. But a paternity test proved he is indeed the father.

Murphy is currently engaged to Tracey Edmonds (Babyface's ex). Homeboy is really trying to prove he's straight and we see that Tracey likes her bottoms, I mean men, a bit fem.

Ok, the new host of the view is who?

Yep, Whoopi Goldberg! Um, can you see the ratings slipping already? So many other poeple out there and they went for Whoopi.

Snooooooooze!

New Horror Movie

Starring Skeletor and JHO! I can't believe this is even being released in theaters. I predict this will debut at # 8.

Star Jones Had Gastric Bypass Surgery

Home girl admits that she had surgery to lose weight. That is as shocking as saying that her husband is Gay! Does she think that we dumb. I didnt think that her fricken 300lbs ass lost all that weight by throwing herself on a treadmill. Her triple whopper eating ass had to cut her stomach up to stop eating!

Speaking of GAL (GAY AL), he looks super uber gay in this picture. He is such a queen and as my boy says, he smiles and that purse falls out of his mouth! Star and her flying saucer hat, what in the hot hell is she wearing.

Working 9 to 5!

Dolly Parton is bringing the funny movie to Broadway. She is apparently writing all the music and is hoping to put the production by early 08. Good Luck with that!

Duh Moment (How big is your engine?)

Duh Moment!

Ok, my dad sent me to Julio's Auto Parts to buy spark plugs for my hatchback. I walked up in Julio's and said "Um, excuse me but I need to buy some spark Plugs." They asked me what kind of car, 1998 Mercury Tracer (shut up it was my first car) I replied. Then they asked me what size engine, so naturally i used my arms spread them wide and said "Um, bout this big".

They were rolling on the floor. I was like what's so funny, dude was like crying of laughter and he said Dude I meant how many cylinders 4,6, 0r 8.

WHOOOOOPS! My bad I was like DUH! I knew that! I really didn't and I felt dumb as hell cuz I didnt know what the hell a cylinder was either! LOL

DUH Moment!

Duh! Moments

What is a Duh! Moment?

Its that moment when I realized DUH! That shit was not even right and I should have known better. I will tell a true honest to GOD story and ya'll gon think that its to riduculous to be true but it aint. It's all true. So stay tunned for a DUH Moment!

BSD (Bitch Slap of the Day)

Today's BSD: Hubcap Spinners

Picture this ya'll:
I was driving home from work today singing as loud as I can to a Straight Up (I really was). Then I was stuck a red light and as I am singing "Do Do You Love Me" , I turned and saw Hubcap Spinners. Not only did I see the spinners but they were on a beat up 1990 Toyota Corola. I was like Hellls to the Naw! I need to take a picture of this nonsense. This is a definite BSD!

How you gonna put some cheap ass plastic spinners on a cheap ass car. Nuf Said!

So Whack! Bitch Slap dem Spinners

Paula's Medicine Cabinet

You all have to click this, it's so funny!